..........

food and consumerism for strong stomachs, livers and wallets in china. also the occasional ranting.

Friday, May 25, 2007

plagiarising myself


I'm off tonight with vague travel plans, but the destination set: Huangshan Mountain aka Yellow Mountain in Anhui. I have to go throw some things into a backpack so I to hurry things along, I am throwing you the bone of an intimate excerpt from my email to chef last night, who is arriving in 4 days!!!! i am so excited. bitch is gonna get raped.

begin self plagiarism (does this destroy the sanctity of my original, lovingly penned message to chef?):
"....i am off to the yellow mtns, called huangshan in anhui. i feel as if it is my duty as a chink to sojourn far away to this collection of 72 peaks of mountain crests, to struggle and sweat in
uncovering the truth, the birth, the mystery, and the source.... of my yellow skin. i am hoping that at the end of the day, it will actually be the hidden home of airwolf, which i have fantasized for a good 22 years about. or maybe i will find that the thundercats were actually my ancestors. maybe there will be a massive carwash setup where every chinese baby born gets spray tanned with a yellowish pallor. i just don't know.

but deep in the depths of my soul, i feel the mountain calling me. i will take care to visit significant sites along the mountain path to find spiritual enlightenment about my race, among them, "Bowl Legged Fountain of Truth," "Snaggletooth Rock," "No Tipping Mountain Tip," "Bossy Oriental Female Fjord," and "Ripping-Off Ridge." Please wish me luck on my virgin adventure. of course, where treacherous, i will travel by cameltoe...."

back in a few days!

8 comments:

DailySquanderer said...

Christ jesus lord our saviour, "Bossy Oriental Female Fjord"?!? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Safe travels chinkaling! Since I myself am a "H(u)wang" expect there to be a special little place reserved for the gooks called "Baby Choking Smoky Mountain Valley"

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